My hand slid around her neck, the delicate line cradled in my palm. Calloused fingers against tender flesh. A soft moan escaped her, and I moved gently. The goal wasn't to wake her, not yet at least.
I wanted her controlled. From the moment her eyes opened, she would know she was mine, and she would either tense or relax, and that would tell me everything I needed to know. When she first wakes up, everything is foggy and uncertain. She can't even speak for a while. A need to lie in silent comfort while her brain processes her dreams and separates that experience from real life.
And I knew this because she told me. Those early mornings were ours. And after her tears of loss of joy from her dreams, she would lie in my arms, her fingers on my jaw, whispering into my ear about the wondrous nature of the world that existed only in her mind. She would kiss my jaw at pointed moments, ensuring I paid full attention to her soft voice and warm breath tickling my ear.
Those moments were hers, not mine.
My moments with her were different. My moments were about taking her fears and desires and letting them spin in her mind until they were a twisted web draped along her naked body. The fishnet-style gaps allowed me entry points to her flesh. Where my fingers trailed along the marks that told me of the difficulties of a life she couldn't always verbalize.
This one... a small oval on her wrist, at one time a deep split of her flesh, now simply seemed like a flat white keyhole, begging me to find the right key to unlock its mysteries. She'd never been able to tell me about it, but I knew enough to know it was done to her and not a thing she chose.
My thumb pressed against it, and my hand cradled hers as I slipped into bed behind her. Her skin was cooler than mine, and the warmth of my body caused her to instinctively press back into me. The curve of her ass settled firmly against me, and I fought off a groan of desire.
My hand brought hers up and behind, dropping it so that when she woke up, her fingers would instinctively slide behind my neck and into my hair. Her acceptance of me absolute after the initial pang of fear.
Then I slid my hand over her outer thigh and the high curve of her hip. She was soft there; my fingers would leave pretty marks with a tight enough grip, but that would be another day. Her skin creamy and smooth, though also marred with lines that managed to be even paler than her complexion somehow. My fingertips slid over her hip and down her thigh, cupping it and lifting until I had guided her leg over my hip.
As always happened, that caused her to stir a bit, a small moan of a whine vocalized in a noncoherent tone that seemed to want to beg for five more minutes but couldn't actually ask it yet; she was much too sleepy still. She was mine at all times, but especially so in this state.
My hand on her neck tightened a little, and my fingers slid over her bare mons, then between the full, soft lips of her pussy. I already knew what I'd find. Her dreams had been good, and her body responded favorably to my invasive touch. I kissed the curve of her jaw, just in front of her ear, and slipped a finger inside her, testing her want for more.
A delicate, exploratory touch as she moaned and pushed herself against me. Still not yet awake, but soon she would be.
I could draw it out for a while, let my touch linger on her body as she slept, but that was for another time. Right now, I merely wanted her as she'd told me she wanted me to have her. I'd just been afraid to cross that line before.
Now there was no uncrossing it as I angled myself and grabbed my cock, guiding it slowly into her. Her breath hitched, and a warmth cascaded along her skin. My movement was slow and gentle, slicking myself within her. My hand slid back up her body and cupped her breast, thumb flicking across her nipple as I used my grip on her neck to do a quarter turn partially onto my back.
When I was fully inside her, it was time. My hand moved from her neck to grasp beneath her chin. I tilted her head aside, baring the quickened pulse to me. I was careful where I sank my teeth into her flesh, but I did sink them in.
And she woke with a startled cry, her hips rolling and giving me space to thrust into her again. Her hand curled behind my neck as I expected, and her back arched as she let out a high-pitched whine.
She was mine in that moment-and always. Her eyes closed again, and her breasts lifted and fell with heavy breaths; it encouraged me. My fear of harm in taking her this way faded as her foot hooked behind my leg and she tightened her grip on me.
I wanted to have my turn whispering to her, but I couldn't. Gentle wasn't what I wanted. I had her locked in my grip, and I wanted her to cry for me. Such earned tears of fear and release. Of joy and arousal. I felt her relax into me, and my bite turned into a kiss. Then another. And another. Timed rhythmically along her skin with my thrusts and muffled groans.
My hand was half beneath her chin and wrapped around her neck. I lifted her head in what had to be a painful arch to look into her eyes. A greenish-grey hue brightened by fresh tears greeted me, and I smiled then adjusted her head slightly. I turned her towards me and brought my lips to hers. It only took a tightened grip to make her gasp and open more. Allowing me more of her, but I would've taken it regardless.
I knew there would be no words from her for a while after this. No vocalized consent, no begging for more unless I made her vocalize for me, and I wasn't sure I would do that just yet. Acceptance. I merely wanted her acceptance and surrender. I didn't need to say anything to her. She already knew everything I could have said in that moment, and the words weren't needed for either of us.
My thrusts came quicker, her breasts bounced with each reverberating impact of my hips against her ass. Our breathing unified in a mix of moans and gasps, and my fingers slid back down to her pussy. This wasn't just for me, much as I benefited from it; this was her fantasy. Her desire played out for the first time since she'd divulged it to me. My fingers found thick strands of slickness to lubricate them before moving back up and barely touching her clit.
Her body jerked at that, and she whimpered, but she didn't pull away.
I pressed my face into her hair and grunted as I thrust harder and deeper. My fingers slipped easily along either side of her clit, teasing around to avoid overwhelming her. I didn't want her to shut down in ecstasy; I wanted her to feel every touch, to hear every labored and shuddering breath. I wanted her to know I savored this from her.
Her fingers gripped my hair and pulled. I tightened my grip on her neck. Then my fingers applied gentle pressure to her clit and her neck, and her hips rolled back involuntarily. I wanted to praise her, to call her good, to thank her for this, but I couldn't, not yet. I wasn't done taking from her. Her voice heightened with her soft moans, the slapping of my body against hers the loudest sound in the room, except for maybe my heart, but I think only I could hear that.
I kissed her neck, then scraped my teeth along the trail between kisses. Her shoulder bare and just right there, asking to be marked with my claim of her. So, I did. My teeth sank into her tender skin, and she cried out, body clenching on me as I continued to fuck her. Her tears fell, and that was my first victory over her; it was beautiful.
I slowed then, and she whined and squirmed, trying to make me continue at the same pace, so I lightly smacked her clit and she stopped. Not a word, still. But she was awake now and fully aware. And she was needy; I could feel it emanating from her. I could smell the need in her sweat, and could taste it on her skin.
She needed release. Cried for it. Would've begged if I'd let her. Still, she was desperate for it.
And so was I.
It was truly an awkward position to take her in, but it was one that allowed me to let her sleep until I wanted her awake. And now that she was awake, she was fully mine. She had accepted it only moments after her eyes first fluttered open. I knew that simply from knowing her.
I pulled out of her, and she whimpered. Her fingernails dug into the skin at my wrist and into the back of my neck. "Please, please..." she'd asked, but her voice was barely audible. Little more than an exhalation where she forgot that sound was supposed to be made along with the movement of her lips and tongue.
Her eyes were still wet with tears, and her chin quivered as I positioned her gently on the bed. I knelt between her legs and contemplated my next move. I wanted to taste her; I wanted to fuck her; I wanted to hurt her and make her cry even more. But I already knew she would cry no matter what I did. She was overstimulated and overwhelmed, and she needed me.
I grasped her thigh and leaned forward, my hand guiding myself back into her. She gasped in relief as she closed her eyes and tried to regain her composure. Her fingers flexed and retracted, and I thrust forward, hard. She squirmed beneath me and let out a startled little squeak of a noise. I smiled.
It was cute how overwhelmed she got when I gave her what she wanted. Particularly when she didn't have to ask directly first, and I just did it. Asking felt like taking, and she wasn't one who took from others easily. She gave herself freely, but taking for herself was beyond her most of the time.
I guided her legs back and open, and I looked into her eyes as I took her. She broke eye contact, the flush of her cheeks brightened, and her arms covered her chest from me, so I gathered her wrists in my hand and pinned them to the bed above her head. Then I stared at her breasts. The full swell curved up, a tawny-rose areola and reddened nipple peaked at the apex of the swell. They bounced with my thrusts into her. I knew she was already overwhelmed, but I still leaned down and took her nipple into my mouth, my tongue pressing the underside before my teeth gently closed over the stiffened bud. Her back arched beneath me, and I bit harder before releasing.
We both glistened with the sheen of sweat as I lay over her, propped on one hand holding her wrists together while my other reclaimed its place on her neck. Her head tilted back and her skin lightened in color beneath my grip.
Her cheeks reddened, and her gaze softened. The way her slightly parted lips beckoned me was almost ethereal. The redness of her lips, so fresh and lively, contrasted her pale complexion with soft features, highlighting her femininity. She was beguiling.
I kissed her. Possessively. She was mine, and I needed her to know that.
She trembled beneath me with each hard thrust into her and finally gave me the surrender I sought. But I wanted more. The connection between us intensified, and I released her wrists in favor of a firm grip in her hair. My lips crushed to hers as I thrust hard and fast. Her cries were more like mewling whimpers of need, and her freed hands quickly found purchase on my lower back. Her fingernails curled into my flesh, and I winced as she pulled me to her.
I simply pulled her hair harder, fucked her harder, and made her look at me as she cried. Then... then I nearly broke her. My heavy breath at her ear as my hands had moved down her body to her hips, lifting her to me for deeper penetration. "You don't get to enjoy until you say it."
She whined, her brow furrowed cutely in despair, and eyes full of terror.
"What?" she almost hissed it as she clung to me.
"You know what." If I didn't play carefully, she would freeze up. The fun gone and replaced with fear. I needed to tread this path lightly and with care.
Her eyes darted frantically as she searched her rattled memory for an answer.
"I... I... Sir?"
I shook my head, my thrusts slowing, threatening to leave us both at the height of ecstasy without any payoff.
"Daddy?" Her voice held so much tension.
I shook my head, hips slowing.
"I don't know. Please, tell me?" Her voice strained with emotion and her legs locked behind me.
"Are you okay?" I asked, my hand grasped her jaw and my thumb stroked her cheek as I looked into her terrified and tear-filled eyes.
"No!" she practically screamed it, and I laughed. "I'm still sleepy and don't remember. Please?" She was truly struggling to maintain her composure. She wanted to crumple into a sobbing heap at my near cruelty but refused on principle and a need to know what it was I wanted to hear.
I took pity on her, stroked her cheek, then whispered against her ear, causing her to squirm at the closeness of my body and voice. "Repeat after me. I am not a burden...."
She stumbled and held tighter. "Oh."
"Remember now?"
"Yes."
"Say it for me?"
I pulled back to look into her eyes.
"I am not a burden."
She whimpered as I thrust again.
"It's okay to voice my needs and have them... oh." She clung to me as my hand slipped between us to tease her clit with my next thrust.
"Themmm..." Her eyes closed, and she drew in a deep but shaky breath. "Met. It's okay to want more. It's okay to ask for... mmmore, please..."
I chuckled. Her head was floaty. Here, but also not. I gave her mercy. Quieted her with a deep kiss as I resumed my powerful, intentional thrust. Then I let my fingers dance along a sensitive bundle of nerves that electrified her and gave her moans depth while muffled against my mouth.
Her body tensed, and thighs trembled under the strain. My tongue sought hers, and my thrusts proved much too soothing on my cock to resist further. A final deep thrust as I wrapped my arms beneath her head and broke our kiss with a hug that threatened to break a rib was all I could manage as my knees stopped supporting me and I fell into her embrace.
We had each other. But now I needed to tend to her as she broke down into sobbing tears. Her whimpers were heart wrenching as I soothed the emotional release that I practically forced from her.
Nonconsensual self-care and love wasn't a thing I'd ever thought about before her. It was a messy business, walking the line between hurt/harm and comfort/infantalizing, but the tears were earned, they were cathartic and rewarding, and they were beautiful. She will recover, and she will be stronger. Until then, I have her, and I won't let go unless she makes me. Even then it'll be a fight.